In a previous incarnation , I did actually earn my living as an EFL teacher. This story was originally published by The Cricketer in June 1988. I hope I don't run into any copyright difficulties....
The Director of Studies handed me the Customer Profile Sheet. 'Our client, Monsieur Marcel Beluze', I read, 'will shortly be travelling to England where he will be negotiating a key contract on which his company's future may well depend. Current Level: beginner. Number of Contact Teaching Hours: 30'.
'Do you think you could handle this one, Barnaby?' the Director asked, smiling pleasantly.
'Thirty hours seems a little on the short side for someone starting virtually from scratch,' I murmured.
The Director's smile assumed a strained quality.
'You do want to help, don't you? I mean, I should have thought that a lot of teachers would be only too happy to have a shot - and earn a bit of money.'
'I shall be happy to help in any way you deem fit,' I found myself mumbling weekly.
'Good man!' cried the Director. 'Monsieur Beluze is waiting for you in Room 15.'
Monsieur Beluze rose nimbly to his feet as I entered the room. He looked French all right: dapper, with sleek, black hair, regulation moustache, and a hopeful demeanour belied by mournful eyes that I instantly recognised and sympathised with. It was a look of someone who did not really believe that he would ever get to grips with the English language but who was willing for the sake of politeness to go through the motions.
It is important, at the beginning of a language course, to establish an atmosphere of relaxed confidence. I sometimes try to achieve this by asking my students to talk to me about their breakfasts.
'All right, Mr Beluze', I began, 'speak to me about breakfast'.
A slow smile spread across his face. 'Breakfast', he said dreamily. 'In France we have always small breakfast. People always hurry, hurry, hurry. I have piece of bread, two piece of bread...'.
I settled into a posture calculated to indicate acute interest and settled back as Monsieur Beluze warmed to his theme...
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