By their Baths Shall You Know Them

Back in England on a fact-finding tour, I was reminded once again of how long English baths are compared to their French counterparts. Why should this be? Two explanations are usually advanced.

According to the first explanation, French baths mostly date back to the time of the Black Prince and were built to accommodate the typical size of the time. This account, though plausible at first sight, fails to allow for the widespread destruction of baths at the hand of the luminaries of the French Revolution.

The second reason usually given is that to this very day the French are shorter than the English. Yes, but surely not that much shorter?

I don't think either of these explanations hold water, if I may put it that way. I myself incline to a third possibility, reflecting different bathroom experiences on either side of the Channel. Secure in their freedom from foreign invasion, the English have long viewed the bathroom as a place for lounging about and the bath as a refuge in which they can sing and compose music. Indeed, ever since the time of Joe Meek and the Tornadoes, the unusual acoustics of the bathroom have made it an ideal choice for a recording studio.

The French bathroom experience, on the other hand, is far edgier, steeped as it is in constant fear of religious persecution or an inopportune visit from the excise men.