Here's a joke. To set it up, you need to know that in the US the IRS (Internal Revenue Service) is comparable to what used to be Inland Revenue and what I now learn is Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs.
-lesle === The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment, and says, "It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now, the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. - - - The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into your wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket, so he pretty much pees all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. - - - But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it." ===
Some of those 'terms' addressed to you were very rude indeed, Mr. Dunn, and not strictly speaking applicable to a person of the male species either. I'm surprised at your skule, I really am .....
Tell us another joke, lesle! It's a grey day here and I need cheering up even if that subliminal person doesn't.
Oh, dear.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you need some cheer.
Here's a joke. To set it up, you need to know that in the US the IRS (Internal Revenue Service) is comparable to what used to be Inland Revenue and what I now learn is Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs.
-lesle
===
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment, and says, "It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now, the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
- - -
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into your wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket, so he pretty much pees all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
- - -
But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
===
I think all comment is superfluous, lesle. Thank you for your contribution to the gaiety of nations!
ReplyDeleteSome of those 'terms' addressed to you were very rude indeed, Mr. Dunn, and not strictly speaking applicable to a person of the male species either. I'm surprised at your skule, I really am .....
ReplyDeleteTell us another joke, lesle! It's a grey day here and I need cheering up even if that subliminal person doesn't.
Loved the IRS joke!
ReplyDelete