Wednesday, December 30, 2015

My Five-Point Plan for Britain


Make Christmas a commercial feast once more
Ban scantily clad male MPs from the House of Commons
Establish the monarchy on a part-time basis
Abolish the death penalty for all but capital offences
Show no pity to our enemies but forgive those who trespass against us
Do something about these predicative keyboards
Stop TV reporters veering off-screen once they have finished walking towards us
Inject fresh life into tired clichés 
Remove doping from church services
Ensure that 2016 is a worthy successor to 2015
Learn a language in just 5 minutes a day over the next 70 years
Introduce language learning to British  schools 
Draw up a list of Things To Do
Leave it to Big Dave
Jeremy for PM!
Buy Tesco's Finest Thameside cheese 
Give us a break this day as we give a break to others 

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