Look at Me!

Goodness knows I am not the most handsome of men, and my face has hardly improved with the passage of time. Even so I find it deeply unsettling when people make a point of averting their gaze when speaking to me. Am I a gorgon? Am I so ugly that people would rather stare into space than look at me? Do I have the vaguely fanatical look that characterised my father?

All of us are drawn to some faces more than others, and I am no exception; indeed how could I be if I can write "all of us"? But I wonder if people realise how deeply wounding it can sometimes be, especially when you are a bit down in the dumps, when they look at everyone but you. Lepers must feel the same way.

In writing these words, I had the vague sensation that I had written something in a similar vein not so long ago.

Sure enough, this is what I wrote some three and a half years ago:

Charisma. You've either got it or you haven't. If you haven't got it, good looks or beauty can go some way towards making up for it; and if you have got it, it doesn't matter too much if you're ugly. 

So that just leaves people like me!

Speaking as an uncharismatic person but as a gentleman, I always try to address the less charismatic people in a group and ignore those bursting with charisma. It drives the latter mad! 

A good tour guide will make sure that he gives the same amount of eye contact to each member of his party. I don't like it when I get shut out and can't decide whether it's because I'm uncharismatic and ugly or because I'm uncharacteristic and ugly AND look slightly haggard and fanatical.